i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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