I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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