Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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