think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize