My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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