Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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