My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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