My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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