3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize