I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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