When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize