dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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