there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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