Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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