So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize