Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize