Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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