Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize