She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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