I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk is a universal language darling
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