thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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