Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize