You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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