i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize