I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize