oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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