I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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