Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
where are my eyebrows?
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