Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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