Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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