so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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