Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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