Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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