Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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