I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize