I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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