two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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