if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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