Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize