He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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