a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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