I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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