So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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