She said her name was "party"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize