I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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