i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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