the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize