you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
tell me about the fingering
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