If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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