it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize